We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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