Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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