All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
