Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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