So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
