Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
