I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize