So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
