I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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