I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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