is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
