six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
