aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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