my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
