So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
