Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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