I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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