You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Even my vagina gasped.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
