Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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