i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize