Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize