Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
