Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
