He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
