I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is my gift to your gina
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
