when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
