Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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