I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
