Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
