I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
