I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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