I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize