I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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