Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
