this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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