We won't sleep together?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And then my night got REAL pukey
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
