I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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