Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
