He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
