If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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