I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
