whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
