Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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