Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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