Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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