Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
