i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
