Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
