he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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