You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
