Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
