We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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