If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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