fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
