are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
