we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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