sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
3 2 1 whiskey
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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