how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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