Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
