I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
