i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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