i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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