i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
