Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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