He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize