weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
