Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
