Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
