I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
