He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
