ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
