i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
