Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
