dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
