oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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