i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
